Proverbs 28:13 – He that covers his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesses and forsakes them shall have mercy.
My name is Deborah and I’ve got a testimony! I recall when I was nine years old, I saw a pair of cute black shoes that I felt I just needed to have. I knew my mom couldn’t afford to buy them, but I ran in the house where my mom was talking to a friend to tell her about the shoes anyway. I completely disregarded her conversation and interrupted her to passionately express how much I desired those shoes. When my mother denied my request, of course, I was naturally disappointed. But her friend overheard the conversation and as he walked out the door, he told me he would buy the shoes for me.
I was so excited to get the shoes I didn’t even tell my mother that I had left the house to get the money. I eagerly ran around the corner to my mother’s friend’s house with a huge smile on my face. When I walked in the house, he grabbed me so quickly, I was instantly terrified. I pulled away from him and ran home panting. I couldn’t even process what happened, so I didn’t tell anyone anything. I just avoided him until we moved from the area. I was shaken to my core, but rather than get help early, I held it in and was tormented for decades.
Over twenty years later, while I was stationed in Germany, I attended an empowerment service expecting to receive a move from God. The presenter got up and instructed us to close our eyes during one of her exercises. When I closed my eyes, for some reason my mind transported me to the past and I felt how the man quickly grabbed me. I was terrified. I began to scream so loudly, it scared everyone in the church service. That moment when I was nine years old had resurfaced. It became something the enemy used to try to keep me bound for the rest of my life. Whenever God wanted to bless me or use me to do a work for Him, I was reminded of how I allowed my nine-year-old self to become tricked. Anytime I got close to happiness or enjoying life, I would imagine that quick grab and instead of being happy, I would be tormented and ashamed. I blamed myself and called myself all sorts of demeaning names because I couldn’t figure out why my innocent mind couldn’t perceive the evil lurking in that man’s mind.
Today, I know that it was Satan torturing me, but for years I didn’t. And I let it control me and interfere with my blessings and happiness. Blaming my-nine-year-old self for something may seem frivolous, but how often does this happen to us in our spiritual walk? There are decisions we made some time ago when we were sinners, newly saved, young and innocent, vulnerable, deceived or plainly disobedient that Satan uses to still control us today.
Proverbs 28:13 says, “He that covers his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesses and forsakes them shall have mercy.” If we cover our sins, God assures us, despite our success, our lives will not go anywhere far in Him. It is only when we uncover our sins, forgive ourselves and forsake the past that we can truly become free. And that’s my testimony!