Disillusionment is defined as a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. This is a very appropriate meaning for the word. One of the reasons we tend to become disillusioned in life is because we create a picture or image in our minds that can sometimes blind us to the reality.
We commonly create these idealizations when we enter relationships. At first, everything about the other person feels unique and special. We conjure a picture in our minds of what that person is supposed to be like. Then slowly, when they don’t do things the way we anticipated they would – whether it’s that they talk too much, they’re too messy, or may even be abusive – it begins to destroy the picture we’ve formed of them. In the end, we become quite disappointed because it turns out to just be an illusion that we’ve created.
Another area we do this is when we are about to start a new job. At first, we love everything about it. Our boss is great, our co-workers are not like the ones from our old job with whom we did not get along. But as time progresses, we start to notice that the people at this job aren’t much different than at the job we just left. Until finally, we dread going to work.
It could be a new place you just moved into, a car you just bought, or a church you just joined. At first you are so excited, but then the novelty wears off and you begin to see things you never thought were there. You feel let down. And then you start to wonder: How did you miss these flaws in the first place? How did this happen? This let-down feeling comes along with disillusionment.
According to Psychology Today, “idealization and disillusionment are normal because the sense of everything being special is how we get ourselves into new situations.” It’s what give us the feeling of excitement about something different. Things look better than they would look otherwise, and we take a chance on something new. But when reality sets, we tend to look at things more realistically.
Psychology Today goes on to say that having, “small, manageable disappointments starting early in childhood help us learn to be more realistic.” This way when we feel let down by our loved ones or by our own failures, we develop the fortitude we need to cope with the inevitable disappointments that will come to us throughout our lives.
Idealization can have it good points and its bad points. One the one hand, it encourages you to experience new things in life which you would not have ordinarily attempted. You also get to evaluate and learn from your mistakes. On the other hand, however, if you are constantly disillusioned, you may stifle your growth in several areas and miss out on some good things. We must balance our expectations to minimize the frequency of our disillusionment.
This year let us ask the Lord to help us not be so hard on ourselves and others. At the same time, pray that we do not miss the warning signals before we venture into new things. The Lord can lead and guide us into the great things He has in store for us.